To complete my 5 week nights, 5 beers series, I have chosen a story that happens to follow up on my Thursday night beer blog on Rogue’s Hazelnut Brown Nectar. In my last post, I touched on the few days Lisa and I spent in the house which we eventually rented, for our wedding 5 months later. Today’s post tells the story of the Friday that followed our wedding. We got married on the 20th of August and it just so happens that on that day hurricane Irene was causing quite a storm 😉 down in Puerto Rico. Our intention was to drive back up to Toronto on the following Monday, the 23rd, but due to a minor yet very inconvenient health issue we extended our stay in Long Island by 5 days, causing us to leave just a few hours short of hurricane Irene’s arrival. What a mess. We hit the road at 6:00 am on that Friday morning and only made it past New York city at 9:00am, which come to think of it isn’t so bad given the circumstances.
The week before the wedding had been crazy and the extra days spent in Long Island, at Lisa’s parents, were much more relaxing. Problem was, my newly wedded wife and I hadn’t had a chance to enjoy time alone and with the honeymoon scheduled at a later time, Lisa suggested we stop at a roadside hotel and chill out for the rest of the night. By then, although most of the drive consisted of blue skies ahead of us and black skies in our rear view mirror, hurricane Irene was now long behind us and we were out of arm’s way. This meant that the escape New York mission had come to an end and we could complete our road trip in the morning, at our own pace.
I can’t remember the name of the hotel where we stayed nor do I want to but let’s just say the mirrors in the room were not on the walls but rather on the ceiling. There was a cheap-ass restaurant next door, some kind of bar and grill and next to it, was some sort of plaza where up-to-no-good kids hung out as far away possible to the street lights. I ventured out to the restaurant to pick us up some food. Gluten-free food for Lisa was a challenge. “Gluten-free? Sorry sir, most of our meals have meat!” Un-fuc&^$g-believable, I thought to myself! I came back moments later with a salad for Lisa and some sort of American Asian dish for me along with… a Michelob Ultra.
Now, I painted a pretty eery picture of the small town we stayed in, perhaps I even had you on a suspense hook, expecting something like a mugging, a hurricane docking moment where chairs and cows flew across our road, but no folks, that’s as sexy as this story gets (well, it was our first night alone since the wedding but that’s not the sexy I want to share). Folks, it’s a beer blog, not a short story! Sorry!
So there I was back in our room, I opened my Michelob beer bottle and poured it in a cello-wrapped plastic glass, you know the one. I took a sniff. Holy hurricane flying corn fed cow shit! The beer smelled like corn. Corn and hay, grass even. I never thought it would be possible to beat Budweiser but believe me, next to Michelob, Bud is the king of beers. With the both of us crashing in a cheap-ass motel, in an eery little town upstate New York and drinking Michelob Ultra, role playing was hard to resist. Lisa began looking like a Marylou with curlers on, a leopard print polyester outfit, smoking a cigarette and coughing every time she laughed, that’s how I imagined her. As for me, I felt like a genuine white trash Nascar fan with a John Deer hat with a greasy thumb print and a wolf-print t-shirt revealing my beautiful skin belt. Fucking-A!!!
I drank the beer. I was desperate. It tasted like that liquid that pours from the tap, what is it again… Oh yeah, water! Very little hint of malt, very little hints of anything else. Lemon, grass, water and good carbonation are about the only things this beer offers. Oh, and no carbs. So, in Michelob’s defense -why so nice?- life is about perception and if, and when, you open up a Michelob expecting a great beer, then surely you’ll be disappointed but if you are training, athletic and disciplined and are looking for a cool refreshing alcohol beverage, then I suppose this beer can work for you.
Beer type: Light Lager
Country / Region: Missouri, USA
Brewery: Anheuser-Busch, Inc.