Why James Hetfield grunts at the end of his lines… O’Douls Review (kinda!)


I’m on the 401 somewhere between a client and absolute boredom when Metallica’s “Am I Evil?” comes on. (I know it’s a Diamond Head song… hold your horses…) Anyhow, next thing I know I am totally sucked into a metal head moment and the volume in my SUV is on 35; it goes to 38. Don’t ask me why Dodge has their radio going up to 38; that’s a mystery to me. By the time I was on Kirk Hammett’s guitar solo (or is it Mustaine, who really knows), I noted how James Hetfield grunted less on this song than he does on, say, the Black album. If you listen carefully to Enter Sandman you’ll notice how he ends many of his lines like a dog growling. Argh! Rrrr! Give it a listen you’ll see what I mean. It’s almost comical.

Say your prayers little one. Don’t forget, my son to include everyoneeaargh!
Tuck you in, warm within, keep you free from sin, till the sandman he comesrrrrrrrahff!

Then in a moment of euphoria, I started thinking how interesting it must be to be a fly on a wall of the Hetfield home:

James:  Oh baby…
His wife: Yes sweetheart…
James:  I’ll be in the garage changing the oil in the pick-up truckaargh!
His wife:  Okay honey, but don’t drag your greasy boots into the house.
James:  I know babyrrrrhaaaff

Of course one thing led to another and so, I though it would be fantastic to write a beer blog to the song “Am I Evil” with the James Hetfield styleaarghh! It’s a horrible idea, but I can’t resist! Not one of my finer posts but what the heck!

Today I review a not so hot beer; O’Douls’ non-alcoholized beer. Perhaps the reason for M. Hetfield’s grunts. You see folks, James Hetfiled has been alcohol free for a good number of years and, I commend him for that. Keep it up M. Hetfiled! But I suppose if I was drinking non-alcohol beer all the time, I’d let out an occasional grunt.

So without any further ado, picture me on stage singing away this review all the while resting this beer in one of James Hetfield’s guitar beer holder…

Ladies and Gentlemen…
From Toronto, Canada…
Beergonaulica!!!  (Crowd goes wild,  panties are thrown at me… I open the show with Am I Evil?)

Guitar intro (a part of me hopes that when Kirk Hammett listens to this intro today he wishes he’d done a better job… Seriously, that hammer technique part followed by the insane Cirque-du-Soleil-like acrobatic performance of harmonics are pretty lame. – Let’s blame Diamond Head or Mustaine for it…)

Singing starts

My alcohol free beer was a bitch,
but she poured alrightaarrrrgh
Alcoholess little bitch, for tears I criedrrrrahh.
Chugged her down now, don’t even have head
Smells like hay and hops, can’t hide the fact that it’s okay arghh

330ml of this, not a sip is nice
Gotta drink it anyways. Pay the priceaaaargh
See the regular beers out on the ice
Take my time

Is it evil? Yes, it is
Drinking O’Douls? I am man, yes, I am

As I watched my beer poor, It lost its head
Don’t even smell like hay, grass hop, malt or bread
Taking no small sips, finish it as soon as possible
I’d split you with a friend, help set me freeaaaargh!

Is it evil? Yes, it is
Drinking O’Douls? I am man, yes, I am


more verses and a chorus… you get the picture…

So there you have it, geeky metal post is done, all in good fun. If you we’re you looking for a real O’Douls review? Well, this review is as real as O’Douls is real to beer. Only I will add that it does taste like malt and hops, only it’s very watered down, such seems to be the Anheuser-Busch way. Quite frankly there are better non-alcohol beers out there but that’s for a later time.

Price: 2.50$

Beer type: Low-alcohol beer

330 ml

Alcohol/Vol. 0.5%

Country / Region: USA

In all seriousness, James Hetfield has maintained total abstinence from alcohol since rehab in 2002 and that’s awesome! Keep on keeping on M. Hetfield!

Be on the look out as I will review other alcohol free beers in a more serious manner in a few weeks. I plan on doing the same for gluten-free beers as well, for there are great GF beers out there.

Cheers! Drink with moderation!



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